"Today is a good day." I can't tell you how many times I've said that to myself today. And it is a good day... this is the day the Lord has made... but maybe I'm having a hard time rejoicing in it.
I've had a physical issue happening in my body the last 9 or so months that occasionally knocks the chemicals in my brain for a loop, and all of a sudden... even though yesterday may have been amazing... today, it seems like all is lost and the entire world is coming to an end.
I am surrounded by people who love me, and any other time in life, I "feel" loved and loving right back. But knock a few chemicals loose in the ol' thinker, and BAM! The world is my enemy and all of life is stacked up against me.
Any normal day, I sleep deeply, rise early, and start the day with a bang... but on these "off" days, there is no sleeping at night, no drive to pass go... no joy to be found, no hope to be had. It's like the light was on and shining bright... but somebody reached in and turned it off. Flipped the switch overnight.
I've seen the doctor, it's not all in my head... except that it's a brain chemical thing... so......
And there are medical and natural things that can be done. Big relief. But some of them have to wait until other physical issues can be explored. So in the meantime... though the supplements are helping, and most days I feel better than I have in a long time...... last night there was no sleep, and today my brain has sent my mind, will, and emotions down a chemically induced slip-n-slide.
So, what to do?
I praise God for a few things. One, my husband. He's been incredibly supportive during this time. Today, I told him what was going on and asked for prayer. He said, "You got it! Now go for a walk and get some sunshine." Then he prayed for me. Then texted and called later to check on how things were going. Then he gave me a big hug when he got home. Gotta love that.
Two, I praise God for sunshine, vitamins, healthy foods... and flowers, nail polish, and acrylic paints. I've been rotten at taking care of myself, which is honestly what probably knocked these dang chemicals free in the first place... that and my DNA/family history. But after munching on almonds two-ways, 30 minutes in the warm sunshine, and about an hour of colorful "joy" therapy... ALL of which increase serotonin in the brain (that's the "happy hormone")... I could "feel" a marked difference in my overall well-being.
Three, I praise God for work to do... ways to keep my mind busy apart from how I "feel." The Word says that His rod and staff, or His discipline and instruction, bring comfort. So, early this morning, I made a list of goals for the day... and I may have missed one or two... and in there somewhere, I may have doubted their usefulness altogether... but all-in-all, they are helping me find victory in this particular storm. So, I praise God for that.
And though I may not have "felt" God's overwhelming presence... I know He was still with me. That's who He is. He doesn't leave. He's always there, always the same, always full of grace and mercy. His rod and staff bring comfort. The discipline of knowing and doing the truth, though it may not feel true... it brings comfort. That's the lesson for today.
