Goodness. Today has been a rough day. I actually cried twice! I'm feeling lonely... and I've been feeling it for a while. I meet with a close friend a couple of times a month, so I get a chance to remember who I am w/o husband and children tagging along, but other than that, I have only passing relationships with people. I'm craving real connections... heart strings, I guess. Being in periods of constant transition with small children, homeschooling, switching ministries at church, etc., have left me sort of unattached. Transition is good, and I know I've been in a "season of alone" for a while now, but today I'm really feeling it.
I think this is a really tough time in life for moms... homeschooling or otherwise. My kids are young and need a lot of time and attention, and there's a boat-load of stuff to do every day. My husband works regular hours, but our time at home is busy and mostly focused on our children. We still communicate well and have a good relationship, but real time to be alone and be our real selves... not the tired and distracted versions we've become... is very rare. I think it's easy for moms to get lonely, and when it's difficult or impossible to find "your place," we can get sad and lose ourselves.
Because I hate to leave this on a sad note, I will say that no matter what, we are never completely alone. I am incredibly grateful that God is always with me... that Jesus gave up His life to have an intimate and loving relationship with me... and I can't even imagine what life would be like without Him. He is my comfort when I am lost, lonely, or depressed. He is my defender, my healer, and my source. When I think of what He's done for me, I remember that I need to keep my eyes off myself and seek to help others. If I'm feeling depressed, my world is too small and I need to pray for others, think about the needs of others, and get out and do good things for other people. Then, the loneliness subsides and the joy of the Lord fills my heart. Thank you, Lord!
