This year had the smoothest first week of all four previous years, and it has me wondering why. I think it's a mixture of experience, a little added patience, and maybe a dash of wisdom tossed in. Here's what I've learned that is helping make our 5th year the best so far!
My kids are only 8, 6, and 3. Remembering this little fact, and treating each child according to his or her age, has really, really, really taken the pressure off of me and them! Even my oldest needs me to see the humor in a math worksheet, and laugh with him over Language Arts material. They need me to see the pure wonder of science, and to notice how interesting history can be. They need ME to see it FIRST, and then show it to THEM. They need me to be willing, and prepared, to do the "optional" activities that I always used to skip. Tickle breaks must be taken daily, and it is a necessity to have at least a little fun and a measure of awe in everything we do. Learning is about living, and vice versa. It doesn't have to be dull and daily drudgery.
I am not a slave to the Instructor's Guide... or even to my own daily schedule. Oh, this is a big one for me! I have these horribly detailed schedules that I made up years ago to "keep myself in line." I mean, every minute of the day, from 4:45am to 9:00pm, was work, work, work! Keeping the house perfect at all times, doing every homeschooling lesson and activity scheduled without fail, and driving myself straight into the ground. In reality, I was treating myself harshly because I didn't like who I was. I couldn't keep it up, so my schedule only served to make me feel worse about myself. All I saw in myself was laziness, mediocrity, and failure. I struggled to change myself, but nothing helped that sinking feeling. It wasn't until I let the Lord heal me from past brokenness, pain, and regrets that I finally saw the truth. God made me, and He doesn't make mistakes.
I am partially laid-back (read "messy") and introverted, and partially ultra-organized and social. I still make charts, lists, and schedules, but only to help me keep my thoughts in order and my life easier. Those things are my TOOLS now, not my MASTERS... and I get a real rush from putting together a good plan! (Sick, I know.) Also, I have no bad feelings about chucking the schedule and taking a movie day... or a zoo day... or a lay-around-the-house day when needed. Do you hear what I'm saying? I enjoy my life now... weirdo contradictory messy perfectionist that I am!
Life is good. No matter what happens, it's good to be alive... good to be happy (no longer depressed)... good to be free... good to have my needs met... good to be loved. It's easy to take happiness and freedom for granted, but Lord, forgive us when we do! After living through many years of depression and anxiety, it's good to be able to smile, from the inside out, and be happy.
We should try to see all of life in the light of what Jesus has done for us. I often feel weird for being so happy around people. I don't have a lot of things to stress over or complain about. I mean, sure, I have things that I'm praying about... money, homeschooling, friends, family members, and more... and who doesn't get into negativity once in a while? But really, why worry? God already has a plan. I can be happy, at peace, and satisfied in the midst of all this because Jesus died to set me free... and I am free!
No comments:
Post a Comment